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What’s that old adage again? In times of economic upturn hemlines go up? If this holds true then there might be a pearlescent glimmer of hope on the horizon…

The Three Wise Men of fashion have spoken – Christopher Kane, Christophe Decarin [@ Balmain] and Rick Owens – and the future could start to look a little less bleak. A little windy ’round the er, mulberry bush, ahem, but definitley a bit more sparkly…

The Mile  Thigh Club is how I like to refer to this sartorial harbinger of better times. Hemlines that are practically necklines and, in addition, lateral slits up each thigh that Give Good Pelvic Ventilation. Oh, yeah! Let the good times roll!

Retailers around the world clap hands with glee ’cause El Cruncho seems like its finally gonna bid us farewell! Time to burn plastic again! Time to start seeing private taxis as a basic human right once more! Stay in? I don’t think so! Not on your nelly. Gonna let me hair down, slap on some lippy and slink my way into a slither of draped chainmail. Let the good times roll indeed!  Hallelujah!

[I hope I’m not tempting fate…]



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Creaky joints. Bunions. Lavender mist. Blue Rinse. Purple haze. Cliff ‘effing Richard…

Grannies have a bad name.

But one woman’s on a mission to change that – even though she isn’t a granny just yet and she’s a decade shy of her first OAP [old age pensioner] bus pass.

One word. Madonna.

Her of pilates and far eastern hokum. Shangri la la. Our Lady of the Lurex Crotch – see Confessions on the Dance Floor period. One has to applaud her verve. You see, our Madgesty has broken down barriers in her time (gives a whole new meaning to Like a Virgin, does it not?)

People say, oh, you harridan, you! Gyrating your creaky pelvis when you really should call it a day. You’re over fifty, you know. Have some self-respect.

What utter nonsense!

I saw her new video for the single, “Celebration”, the other day and thought to myself, what a wonderful whirl… literally. There was our Madgesty thrusting and jerking in a micro Balmain dress like her life depended on it. She looked fantastic. The song was a dense slice of clubland manna. And why not? The penny dropped. Why give up the ghost just because of a few hot flushes and grey hairs? Your body’s tight. You’ve built a successful career. You’re a doting mother – see the alternative take where Lourdes appears on screen with her mother dressed as bride a la Like a Virgin. Cute.

You go “Gran”!

Get into the groove.

Her Madgesty 3