Creaky joints. Bunions. Lavender mist. Blue Rinse. Purple haze. Cliff ‘effing Richard…

Grannies have a bad name.

But one woman’s on a mission to change that – even though she isn’t a granny just yet and she’s a decade shy of her first OAP [old age pensioner] bus pass.

One word. Madonna.

Her of pilates and far eastern hokum. Shangri la la. Our Lady of the Lurex Crotch – see Confessions on the Dance Floor period. One has to applaud her verve. You see, our Madgesty has broken down barriers in her time (gives a whole new meaning to Like a Virgin, does it not?)

People say, oh, you harridan, you! Gyrating your creaky pelvis when you really should call it a day. You’re over fifty, you know. Have some self-respect.

What utter nonsense!

I saw her new video for the single, “Celebration”, the other day and thought to myself, what a wonderful whirl… literally. There was our Madgesty thrusting and jerking in a micro Balmain dress like her life depended on it. She looked fantastic. The song was a dense slice of clubland manna. And why not? The penny dropped. Why give up the ghost just because of a few hot flushes and grey hairs? Your body’s tight. You’ve built a successful career. You’re a doting mother – see the alternative take where Lourdes appears on screen with her mother dressed as bride a la Like a Virgin. Cute.

You go “Gran”!

Get into the groove.

Her Madgesty 3

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