This one’s for you Nomia, Tyra-nnical, Beounce’:

Listen.

Girls, all this talk about addiction and weaves in earlier posts [see Fierce! and Homecoming] got me thinking.

This has Got. To. Stop!!!

WTF. You’re all going bald! Are you blind? Who’s doing your hair? Sack them!

Jeeez, I can understand the appeal of silky, flowing locks garnered from the Indian Sub continent but this is crayzeeee! Look in the mirror, girls. No, it’s not a dark shadow you see lurking there. No, it’s not a frown ditch – you’ve probably maxed out on some botulin-induced frown intervention anyway. And it most definitely ain’t a trick of the light.

It’s your receding hairline, girls. And if you’re not careful you’re gonna end up with Weave Mullet Syndrome – and that isn’t a type of fish!

It’s WEAVE STUBBLE. This Must STOP. Do not pass go, go straight to Weave Jail for hairline abuse and get them taken out. It might not be too late. The campaign starts here – Follicular Respect: Free Your Weave [FRFYW]. Love your scalp, treasure your hairline. It wlll love you back. Hell, it might just grow back. Buy some scalp manure and stay away from sunlight till your frontal follicles begin to sprout forth.

But weave addiction is the most dangerous and evil of them all. The hardest to stop. I feel your pain girls. So if you really, really, really can’t quit then give your scalps some respite from time to time. They needs a vactaion too.

If all else fails, get a fringe. It’s all about damage control, I guess.

I love y’all but home truths, sweeties, home truths. This is comin’ straight from the heart. You’ll thank me for it one day.

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  1. August 30, 2009

    OMG! You are right. I agree with you about weaves. The head needs to breathe already. And how do people sleep with the weave gripping the scalp so tightly? Funny post.

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